Just had a nightmare and woke up crying. It was about my sister, she died because she was kidnapped and raped. I never felt so sad and helpless in my life. I just remember in the dream constantly crying every day. I didn’t see her for the past year, I miss her - that’s my fucking flesh and blood. And for some reason, some time after her death I ran into her on the street. She saw me and I chased after her in the crowd. It turned out she lied because she was running away from something, but before I could ask her what she was running away from I woke up. I don’t know what dreams mean but I woke up crying for like a good 5 min.
Since no one reads my tumblr, I have a huge crush on Diana Chan - this girl I work. And all the other guys don’t think she’s cute, IDK man I fall for the same type all the time. The kind of girls nobody checks out and then we break up and suddenly they’re like megan fox, what gives?
So this girl I liked for a while just started dating this guy, and I am like “Ah what the fuck, just because he is (ethnicity) and you are (mixed ethnicity) you guys are dating.” And I stepped back for a minute thinking “Aidan come on now, you know you wouldn’t be able to handle a relationship with anyone anyways so why you hating?” Then I just let it go, that’s something that would bother me a lot because I liked her for a while and she inspires me. But tbh I let it go in like 5 min, I think I am incapable of loving tbh lol. I guess it’s a part of growing up, that and I am 23 so I am like “Oh fuck no, I ain’t settling down yet”. Please excuse me while I pack this bowl…=)
I fucking hate this. I can’t swim until I am not sick anymore. Ugh. And I just got into the groove of working out every day for a couple of weeks and now I’m just waiting to get better.
So I just got another weird flashback of my ex girlfriend. I think we dated 2009, like it was sometime between my transition to highschool and college. Man I was a pretty high strung guy lol like what the fuck I don’t know why she dated me for so long. I just remember getting mad at her a lot, and now when I think about it I was mad at dumb shit. Like when we first started dating she started telling me about her past and I was all homophobic and narrow minded about a lot of things. ANd now im a libertarian and pro gay rights. Man seriously, after I started smoking weed my political views changed and so did my attitude on life. The irony of it is that I think I would make a good boyfriend some girl now since I learned so much from dating her, and how girls work, but I just can stay commited to a relationship. I want to go to law school and stuff, thats going to take so much commitment that I dont even if I can handle a relationship. I might not ever get married and thats fine with me man, I just want to pay my debt to society for taking care of me and keeping me out of trouble - well most trouble lol. I hope shes doing okay, I honestly do. I hope shes doing alright.
Japanese girl sitting across from me on the bus, you’re the cutest. Hahaha the song “honey you are my shooting star” started playing lol